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- April 20, 2012 - What Happened the Day Steven Died
Written by his wife, Nina Lisette Newman Black
Several days earlier, Steve had mentioned to me that he had an appointment to meet with a potential new client in the Bay Area and was concerned because the best time for him would be Friday morning. We usually leave for the Temple at 1:30 PM for our regular Friday night shift. I told him not to worry, and that I would try to ride with the Becks or the Wellingtons. However, when I called them, I found out that Beth was out of town helping Kathleen with a new baby, and Keith wasn't going, so Jeri had decided not to go. I reminded Steve that I have driven to the Bay Area many times alone, and that he could follow me home that night.
Steve was excited about the appointment, but was even more excited about the successful appointment he had on Thursday with a long-standing client and group. He had been working on this particular case for many months, and realized that this would assure use the income we needed, not only to handle the next few months, but to also pay our surprisingly large IRS bill.
Steve came home from work on Thursday, so happy about the successful appointment of the day, and the one the next day. He was also excited to have the full day on Saturday to work in his beloved garden. Our entire backyard was full of grow-boxes, fruit trees and planters full of fruits and vegetables. He had been taking out all the leftover sod and grading it down a few inches. We had a tamper rented for Saturday, and by Saturday evening we would have had the weed-cloth down, and a nice new layer of bark with pavers between the grow boxes.
I was excited about the recitals on Saturday afternoon. I had been having recital rehearsals rather than regular lessons early in the week, and had a full free day on Thursday to get ready for the weekend. I was relaxed and happy, too.
We had a lovely evening together, with him preparing the yard, and me coming out occasionally after dark to admire his work. He came in around 10:45 PM and we got ready for bed, read a chapter from The Book of Mormon, had family prayer and went to sleep.
Friday morning, just before he left for the Bay Area, we had prayer together. He gave me a huge hug and kissed me goodbye, looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you! I'll see you at the Temple!" I watched him walk down the walk, and watched his car drive away. It was the last time I would see those beautiful eyes and his smile.
I turned to begin my day --- the usual morning chores. I went out to the car to run some errands and realized that my brakes felt odd. They were fine the night before, but they didn't feel right then, so I carefully drove to Stu's Automotive. (Bishop Stu Burham is the bishop of Modesto 1st ward and a good friend). He looked at it and explained that he would need the car all day. I called Jeri Wellington (Steve's secretary, my neighbor and friend, and our ward RS President) for a ride home.
While I was waiting for Jeri, a women I hadn't seen in years walked into Stu's waiting area. Jill Sanderson had been in our ward 30 years earlier. She moved to the other stake and I rarely saw her, but was vey aware that her husband had died of a blood clot very suddenly about 6 years earlier. It affected us very much, and we prayed for them for many weeks. I was pleasantly surprised to see her so happy as she walked in. A thought came to my mind --- "When Steve dies, I can be happy again, too!" It stunned me! I pushed it out of my mind, and greeted Jill.
Soon Jeri drove up, I said goodbye to Jill, and we started the drive home. As we approached an intersection near Tully and Standiford Roads, Jeri took a left turn in an unexpected place. She explained that there was a funeral procession for a high- profile funeral of a sheriff's deputy who had been killed the week before. She was trying to avoid the traffic. A thought popped into my head, "When Steve dies, I will continue playing the organ!" Again, I was shocked and pushed it out of my head. It really disturbed me that I thought that!
Jeri told me that she had decided to drive to the temple that day, and that I could ride with her. She would pick me up at 2 PM sharp. We parted, and I went inside to finish all my duties before leaving for the temple at 2.
At about 1:30, I changed my clothing and prepared to leave. I locked the house, turned on the radio and set the alarm. As was our usual practice, I waited for Jeri outside, so that she would not have to get out of her car. At about 1 minute before 2 PM, while waiting for her to drive around the corner, I got a strong prompting to go back into the house. I had no idea why. I checked for my wallet, recommend, temple key....all were in place. The feeling came stronger, so I unlocked the door and went inside.
As soon as the door shut, the phone rang. It was Brother Newport, Oakland Temple recorder. He asked if Steve had been with Brother Cutting. I told him that Steve was in the Bay Area, but I did not know who he was seeing. Brother Newport said, "He was with Brother Cutting, and there is a situation. He is being taken to San Ramon Medical Center by ambulance!". He asked if I was driving, and I told him that Jeri Wellington was here to pick me up. He gave me the address and phone number, and I asked him to put Steve's name on the prayer roll.
By the time Jeri had pulled up in front of the house, and I motioned to her to come in. Just as she came in the door, I was calling Sharon Underwood on my cell phone. Sharon is the other piano coordinator with the Suzuki program at the college, and the next day we were to have our Spring Recitals. I realized that I had to have someone cover the recitals for me, as I would be with Steve in the Bay Area.
Sharon was on speakerphone with me, as Jeri walked in. I had just begun to tell her what had happened when my home phone rang. I asked Sharon to hold (she would still hear everything) and I answered the home line on speakerphone. It was Brother Tom Cutting, the man who Steve was meeting with when this happened. He explained what had happened, and promised to give him a blessing. Jeri and Sharon were able to hear the entire conversation. He informed us that Steve was in the emergency room being examined by the doctors now.
I thanked Tom Cutting and he hung up to go into give Steve the blessing. Sharon then told me that she would make arrangements for my recital and begin to call students. Jeri and locked the house and left to drive to San Ramon.
I can't remember who I called first, but I did call all the family, including Liz (Steve's sister) and all four of my children. I called Denise to reach Jason. Liz was going to call her mother and siblings. I also spoke with Dr. Ana DeVilliers, one of my piano parents and a friend of Steve's who is also a neurosurgeon. We decided that I would call San Ramon Hospital and give permission for Ana to be informed and help to manage Steve's care. This was a huge blessing throughout the evening.
Word got around fast through piano students and ward members. Many calls came in offering help. Several of the doctors in my studio (Dr. Joel Yerby and his wife, Dr. Priscilla Morris) were especially helpful in managing how things should proceed and what to expect.
When we arrived the San Ramon Valley Regional Hospital, I ran into the emergency room, fully expecting to talk to Steve. No one had told me that he was unable to communicate! I was thinking "heart attack", and since we have had many friends survive a heart attack, I figured that he would, too. I imagined that he would be feeling bad about messing up my recital weekend, or worried about finishing with his client. Instead, he was in a hospital bed with his upper body raised to a near-sitting position, his head drooping forward and his eyes closed. One side of his body was completely still, while he was shaking his right foot, the way he often did during sleep.
I spoke to him and hugged him, but there was no response. I tried different things, finally moving to his feet, as he always enjoyed having his feet rubbed. There seemed to be a bit of a response with his moving foot when I asked if he could hear me. I felt as if he was trying to communicate and to let me know that was aware of what was happening. I said, "Can you hear me?" and his right foot lifted from the bed. I did that several times, with the same response. Yet, his eyes stayed closed and his head remained down.
Brother Tom Cutting and Jeri Wellington were both in the emergency area with me, but only one was allowed in at the same time. Jeri was with me at first, and she witnessed the movement.
Soon after, the doctors informed me that they were going need to take him away to do some scans, as they had not yet determined the problem. While they were out of the room, I made a few calls to family members to update them. I started to feel that I really needed some help in getting through this experience and I desired a blessing. I wanted to ask Tom Cutting, but he and Jeri had gone back to his house to pick up Steve's car.
When the doctors brought Steve back to the room, he was very still. I found out that they had given him some kind of sedative to calm his foot so they could do the scan. It seemed very strange to see him so still and unresponsive. I desired a blessing even more, so when Jeri came back in, I told her. She went to go get Brother Cutting.
I had just assumed that he would call for someone to assist, then we would go into the small "meditation room" in the emergency room area so we would have privacy. However, when Brother Cutting came in, he was alone. There was a lot of activity around Steve's bedside, and I expected that we would at least go someplace more private, or that he would ask everyone to leave. Instead, he just whispered in my ear, "Did you want a blessing?" and I nodded yes. He then touched my shoulder to guide me to the stool by Steve's side and said, "Sit right here".
It was as if someone flipped a switch to empty the room! No one else could have heard what he said, and yet everyone left us alone. Brother Cutting stood behind me, and I was thinking "But you need someone to assist!" Just as his hands touched the top of my head, I received a powerful thought (or inspiration) of "Steve is assisting!".
He began the blessing, and I was holding Steve's hand. Suddenly, I realized that Steve had moved his thumb around to the top of my thumb and was stroking it as he did when we held hands at church or while watching a movie. At the end of every sentence Brother Cutting said, there was a long pause, and Steve would squeeze my thumb, as he did when we wanted me to really pay attention to what was being said. Also, at the same time I was receiving other information in a way that didn't use words. I was FEELING what was happening. I can't describe it any other way, but I knew that he was going to die, and that this was his time and all would be well. I also knew that he knew it, and was excited and joyful about it. It was a wonderful feeling!
The blessing answered all my worries and made me feel calm, and I knew that Steve was very music present, even though his body wasn't functioning. We had hoped to serve a mission together, and the last thing that Brother Cutting said was that we would serve a mission together from opposite sides of the veil. Earlier in the blessing he counseled me to listen to the promptings I would be receiving, and if I obeyed them, I would not second-guess myself later. This proved to be a very important point when he died.
After the blessing, I saw a single tear flow from one of Steve's eyes. I kissed him and told him that I loved him. Then I thanked Brother Cutting, who was crying, too. Brother Cutting left, and I was alone with Steve for just a minute or so before doctors and nurses were back in the room again. They were all shouting orders to the ones on the phones at the nurses station, trying to get a medi-flight for Steve to UCSF or Stanford, and trying to find a surgeon to be ready to receive him. There was a lot of noise and a lot of action, but deep in my heart, I knew it was his time to go.
I stood against the wall and watched for awhile, and then my cell phone rang. Jeri came in to sit with Steve, while I went to the quiet room to take the call. Dr. Ana deVilliers, our good friend, then informed me that although they could save Steve's life if I asked them to do so, he would be paralyzed on half of his body, he lost his communication center (why he couldn't respond) and would probably have to be tube-fed. I knew I could never let that happen to Steve!
We talked about it, and she asked if I knew what to tell the doctors. I answered, "Do Not Resuscitate". Then she went on to explain that I was to ask them to continue his IV fluids for his comfort, and also to treat his fever. She carefully explained why and how, and they gave me her condolences.
About 10 minutes after I finished with Ana, the doctor came in to speak with me. He said the same things, but in a manner that I wouldn't have understood. I stopped him, and just said, "Do not resuscitate, please continue IV fluids and treat his fever". The doctor seemed a bit stunned (he probably thought I was a medical professional), but then just stepped up to give me a hug and said, "I am so sorry, Mrs. Black".
They explained that now Steve was a comfort-care patient, and would need to be transferred to a Kaiser hospital. They told me that it would be Redwood City or Walnut Creek. Since we live only 7 miles from a beautiful new Kaiser hospital in Modesto, and my support system was there, I wanted to go to that one, but they didn't have an open bed in CCU.
I went into the quiet room for a few minutes and prayed for a Modesto room to open. Within 3 minutes a room was available and an ambulance was called. By this time, I had sent Jeri Wellington home, as I originally expected to be in San Ramon till he died. I was worried about her driving alone when she was so upset. I just figured I could ride in the ambulance. That was not the case!
They were just loading Steve into the ambulance when Carl and Sherry Muirbrook, our friends from the Friday PM temple shift, drove up. They had come after the shift to offer support to me, and now would be driving me back to the temple.
Before the ambulance left, the driver cautioned us to drive the speed limit. They were going to get there fast, but he wanted us to be safe. They left. We still had to get to the car, and then we got lost in the hospital parking lot, and again getting out of San Ramon. We expected that they would arrive to Kaiser Modesto about 45 minutes before we did, but instead, we got there first!
After waiting in emergency for about 40 minutes, (Kelli, Ross & Liz had arrived and were waiting in CCU upstairs), I got a call from the ambulance driver. He informed me that someone must have been wrong with his GPS because they were in French Camp! This is about 40 minutes away, and the very place where Steve drove by accident during a rainstorm a few months earlier! We had a good laugh over that one!
The Muirbrooks left, and I was in the CCU family waiting room with Kelli, Ross and Liz. At one point one of my piano parents, Dr. Gill, came in to give us his support.
The ambulance still hadn't arrived, and should have by this time. Suddenly my phone rang and it was the driver. He explained that he was outside the main entrance of Kaiser but couldn't get it! I banged on the CCU door to tell the nurse, and she took care of it. They finally brought him in. He was very still, and seemed to be sleeping, but with heavy breathing. We left them have a bit of privacy while they got him settled, and then we went in with him.
After about an hour or so, I suddenly had the feeling that I needed to go home. It was very strong, so I told Kelli that I was going to go home, get a shower and some sleep, and come back in the morning. She seemed surprised and wanted to stay. Ross and Liz wanted to go back to their hotel, as well. (Now that I look back at this, I realize that Steve wanted me to leave. I think that he did not want us to watch him take his last breath).
Once I got home I remember the front door being unlocked, and I am sure I locked it and turned on the alarm. That was odd. I was concerned, so I asked Ross and Liz if they could stay with me. We have a guest room all ready with the bed made up with clean sheets. Yet, I asked them to stay in the recliners in the family room! That is very out-of-character for me, but it felt like the right thing at the time. I got them some blankets and they went to the family room.
I went in an wrote a message to my music students to email. They had all worked so hard for this recital, and I wanted them to go ahead and perform. I knew that the other teachers would cover for me, so I encouraged them to play well.
Then I went in and took a shower, put on my pajamas, and knelt down for prayer. I felt very peaceful and it felt as if Steve was with me. Just as I started to climb into bed, the phone rang. It was Kelli telling me that "something was happening" and I should come right away. Because Ross and Liz were in the family room, they were ready to go in minutes and we left. Since my car was in the shop, I would not have had a way to get back to the hospital if they had gone to the hotel.
What Kelli didn't tell me is that he had already died. She spent the first hour just talking to him, but then she got a strong feeling that he wanted her to lay down in the sofa-bed on the other side of the room. She decided to do that, but was just going to lay there awake and listen to his breathing. She said that she must have dropped off for just a few moments but woke to silence ---- he was gone. We both feel that Steve didn't want us to witness the moment of his death, and we are at peace with this. I recalled the blessing of the night before that I should listen to the promptings I would receive and would never second-guess myself if I obeyed the promptings.
When I got to the room, I felt very peaceful. I knew that he was gone, and that body wasn't him. I knew that he was fine, and that although I would miss him so much, all would be well because I will be with him forever. I look forward to that day!
**********
Brother Cuttings notes from our phone conversation a few weeks later:
10:30 AM - Arrived at Cuttings. Sat in the end chair (captain's chair) in the formal dining room. Carpeted floor. Arms on chair. They decided that they needed to wrap up at 1 PM so as to have time to get ready for the temple.
They (Steve and Tom Cutting) each talked about their wives and how much they loved them. He assured me that I was on his mind that day.
A few minutes before 1 PM, Steve was wrapping up. Just as he finished, he put if right hand to his neck, his head suddenly went up and he said "This can't be good!" Then he said, "Do you have a baby aspirin?" (last words). Brother Cutting bring him the aspirin, and Steve carefully chewed it, staring at the opposite wall. Brother Cutting said, "I am going to call 911 so stop me if you are OK", but there was no response.
Brother Cutting called 911, and during the call things got worse. Steve's eyes closed and his head fell forward. Dispatcher instructed Tom to do CPR, but he had a hard time pulling the chair back on the carpet, and Steve as locked into the chair.
The ambulance got there in minutes, and Steve didn't need CPR (breathing well and heart beating strong), so Brother Cutting gave him a blessing and commanded him to live until I got there.''
TEXT MESSAGE BETWEEN TOM CUTTING AND NINA SOON AFTER STEVE'S DEATH
Nina in black, Brother Cutting is highlighted.
Steve graduated from the college of mortal life at 3:38 AM. Thank you so very much for everything today. We were blessed to have you.
Thanks for allowing me to share this difficult time with you. Steve will be missed. Were are you and are you with friends.
By the way, I believe that you commanded him to live so I could get there in time. Thank you for that blessing.
We know that Steve was an active participant during your blessing. I assure you that he was present when I blessed him. I will never forget that experience.
Thanks. We just got home and I am going to sleep now.
I feel impressed to tell you that I really enjoyed meeting with Steve yesterday in my home. He demonstrated great listening skills, a unique competence, and was totally unassuming. He mentioned you by name on at least 2 occasions during our conversation, indicating his complete devotion to and love for you. There is no doubt in my mind that Steve will be remembered most as man of God, and I treasure his friendship because of that. Best regards, Tom
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1949 - 2012 (62 Jahre)
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